I'm only here on a back to work scheme after being paid off last year, so I don't really give a shit, but the rest of them are obsessed with hitting targets because they get commission or something on transactions over a certain amount. Which explains why they are so keen to help when I have someone wanting to buy something expensive, like a set of golf clubs, as their name goes on the receipt and they get the total on their tab.
It's a sports shop, open plan here in a large shopping centre, so we can walk about quite freely, and skive a bit. I have another ten days to go, I have been here four weeks and two days, from my initial six weeks to do here, I only picked this shop because my mate went last year and got some 'out of date' stock dead cheap, - oh, and a wank off the girl who works in the sandwich shop.
Most lunchtimes I go round to the 'Morning Star' and have a couple of pints, they don't give me any shit about wearing a track suit or anything, it’s full of lunchtime drinkers and office workers gasping for a hangover cure, or something to dull the boredom of pushing paper or whatever most of these suits do. I eat here too, they do good food, and it's better than anything in the shopping centre, I don't eat the daily special sandwiches though, I have gone off them lately.
I look terrible today; look at the bags under my eyes. I knew I shouldn't have used that foundation, it looks terrible under these lights, and I am sweating like you can't believe. I am on the perfume stand today with a promotion, this is something all us girls detest doing, but everyone has to take their turn, though of course, just my luck it has to be today when I am just starting my period. I feel bloated and hot and bothered and just want to go home and get my baggy track suit on and lie around watching TV and eating ice cream.
Here they come, I have to smile and act enthusiastic and try to sell this shite. I speak all posh as well and look the part in my white coat, name tag displaying 'Penny' not Penelope as my mum calls me, or Pen as Vince, my impotent boyfriend calls me. Penny is much more friendly, and fits with my smile and pleasant demeanor as I talk with the public, listening to their drivel, giving it my sales pitch, 'yes it's been on TV, haven't you seen it?’
'Oh yes, it's new', and 'Oh yes, this is the most popular this year, we'll soon be sold out for Christmas - they're flying out', and so on.
I can't wait to leave this stupid place, just working my notice, ten days left then off for Christmas too, and eight days off and I can chill out before starting my new job in the city. I only got the job because Vince pulled a few strings, and I met his friend, Mark, in a hotel bar for an informal interview.
Well, I say interview, it ended up a few bottles of wine, and then going like the clappers all night in his room. I got the job the next day though, but was a bit sore for a day or two, he insisted on anal, and though I enjoyed it, it hurt going to the toilet next day, but I got the job and that's the main thing.
Christmas shoppers.
Eoouuugggh.
Can't stand them. In they come; frantic, as if the world is about to stop if they don't get some make up or some dopey bottle of perfume.
You get the desperate boyfriend, last minute as usual, half pissed from being out with his mates tortured at having to tear himself away from them and miss the banter; then there's the older man who obviously has a bit on the side he wants to buy something for, brothers buying for sisters, sons buying for mothers and the worst, - the fuckin worst of them all, are the stuck up middle aged horrible bitches.
They use up all your time, fishing, pleading for a compliment, 'oh yes, that is just your shade, it really accentuates your cheekbones', or 'yeah, that is perfect, you really have striking eyes', and so on, and they are so far up their arse they don't even realise we are taking the piss.
Only good thing about this stall is, nobody is bothering much with me as I stand with my little strips of paper for them to smell. I see that young lad over there looking at me again in the sports department, he's quite cute, but a little young. Nevertheless he would be a handful in bed, I think he must work out, well put together if you know what I mean, I think he has just started recently, be a shame when I leave not to have him to look at, but I'm sure there'll be plenty more young cock in the city.
Well, lunch over, hide in the back to brush my teeth and a mint to take away the beer smell. I am on the footwear section, but mostly blokes today, not much minge about looking for boots. No wonder, they don't understand about trainers and football boots, they can't buy those for their partners without them. I see that aul doll over on the perfume counter is edging over towards our shop, she is pretending to be promoting some crap, I think she likes me, she keeps catching my eye. She looks awful, imagine waking up beside that. Make up threw on with a trowel, her face is a sickly shade of orange, in complete stark contrast to her flabby white neck.
Eye shadow? More like spray can art, she looks perpetually frightened, - as if someone has told her she is on fire or something. That made me laugh. Oh shit I was looking at her when I done it, and she is smiling back. Fuck.
Out on the lash tonight with the lads, looking forward to five a side then down to the ale house for a good sup. Bar maid is a bit tasty too, I have been seeing her lately, Helen, a red head, fantastic nice big tits. I wondered before we started seeing each other if they would be firm or all floppy and loose. They are a mixture of both. She had a bit of a reputation before, but I really feel something different for the first time about a girl, I want to make it official and go steady with her, soft as it seems. She always smiles at me in public, even though it's meant to be a secret, and puts my change in my hand for a split second or two longer than normal. The rest of the lads get their change on the bar counter, see?
Better stop thinking about this, I'm getting a semi, better move it over a bit. Ah fuck, she’s seen me do that as well.
Not really with it today, been sort of daydreaming most of it, mostly about that young lad over there. He looks like a decent sort, always smiling and genuinely laughing with customers. In fact he seems more giggly after lunch each day, he must be an afternoon person, like me.
Maybe I should try and talk to him and see what he's like. I could always give him one of our free samples for his girlfriend, if of course he has one. Yes! Great idea. That means I can speak to him and see if he has a girl and if he is interested, - all under the pretence of a free sample.
I don't get much from Vince lately, can't get it up anymore, we tried viagra, but it made his high blood pressure worse and we had to stop. He blames his work and stress, it's not me he says.
Yeah, like, as if!
Of course it isn't me, I always look a bit sexy, always wear makeup and I have loads of perfume, so it couldn't be me that has the problem. I even don't mind him shaving in the morning when I am on the toilet, I even have a shit some days and he hasn't said anything, though he doesn't hang around long after shaving, he's probably embarrassed at his belly hanging over the sink.
Right, here I go.
'Hi.’
I turn around to help the customer. Ah shit, it's her. She looks like Worzel Gummidge and her lipstick is a bit wonky. I won't stare at her lips. I won't. Stop it, look at her eyes.
'Hello.’
'I'm on a promotion today and thought maybe you could use some of this.’
Cheeky bitch. Giving me some perfume, is she trying to say I fucking stink, or what? Or gay? Fuck that's worse, she thinks I'm a poofter.
'Ah, no, sorry,' she smiles, don't look at her wonky lipstick, 'I meant if, ah, do you have a girlfriend?'
She does think I’m gay. Fuckin cheeky bitch, or wait, hmmmmm; maybe that's not a bad thing. She won't be looking over here anymore if she thinks I'm gay.
'No, ah, no girls, though I do like a bit of back door action myself, if you know what I mean,' I lean forward, smiling.
She nods, eyes lit up there, I think that's good, those perfume assistants like the gays so they can talk about that sort of shit all night, safe, and no threat. Happy days.
She crosses her legs, and holds out the perfume. 'This is good stuff, free samples, maybe give it to one of your family or someone who you think would appreciate it.’
Obviously off her rocker this one, but that's nice of her to do this I suppose. 'Thanks very much, that's very kind of you.'
'Yes, I’m leaving soon,’ she half shouts, 'just ten days left and I start a new job in the city, so it's a sort of greeting, Christmas and leaving present.' She throws her head back and laughs like some crazy mad harlot, and strokes her hair and shakes it with a shudder.
'You too? I leave as well on the 23rd, just here for six weeks.' I shouldn't have said that, now we have something in common, but it is kind of her to give me a present.
'Maybe we'll get a leaving drink sometime,' she says, and behind her, I see my manager coming towards me with an angry look on his face, bright red.
'Yes, yes, I stammer, I have to go, thanks ever so much for this, let’s go out, yes, err, sometime,'
'Later?'
'Ah....’
'Tomorrow?'
'Ah....’
'Friday after work, Morning Star?'
'Ah, yes, yes, great idea, must go,’ and I half run over to the footwear section where I should be, pocketing the perfume.
Feel a bit flustered after that. He practically told me he wants to bang me senseless all over the place and up the arse too. I had to cross my legs, I was practically shaking with intense excitement.
He made the point deliberately, and dare I say it, provocatively that he has no girlfriend, and turns out he loves the anal thing too, and now it's practically guaranteed we will get it on Friday night. He must feel the same, because he got all flustered and hot and bothered when I asked him, so obviously he was thinking what I was thinking about all the dirty stuff we will do when we eventually get it on.
I knew he wanted me, he was even rubbing himself earlier, I wouldn't be surprised if he wanks about me in that toilet back there.
Great, just hope I am off the rag in time so I can give him the full works, though if I'm not, doesn't matter, I'll still let him, it never stopped Vince before, but he's lost all interest ever since, but it wasn't because of the mess or smell, it was and still is because of his work and stress.
These men really don't understand how to deal with it properly.
The stress I mean.
Just out of the shower, football was good, needed that after a strangely weird day at work, now for a few pints. Only six of us, the others have families and are off home to drum up a few brownie points for the upcoming sessions on Boxing Day and New Year’s Day.
There she is, Helen, looking proper fuckable as usual. Big smile for me as well. I take in her tits, bursting through that top, cleavage showing, she bends down to lift a few bottles, and takes the money and adjusts herself, oh yes, cleavage exposed even more, yummy.
'Hi Jason.’
'Hello Helen, having fun?'
'Yeah, loads,' she says in sarcasm, rolling her eyes, but still smiling.
I get the beers and ciders in, a few ice cubes for the cider, lovely refreshing gut rot that it is, it goes down a treat.
We sit down and with some piss taking from the lads, I go over to buy some nuts from the bar, with my intentions set in place. We get talking again, and after twenty odd minutes I have got another date for tomorrow night, which could have been tonight only for Helen having to meet a mate of hers for a drink at seven. Oh well, I can wait.
'I'd better be getting back to the lads Helen, but tomorrow I need to talk to you about something important', I look as serious as possible, my forehead creased in earnest effort.
'Ok love, we'll get a couple of bottles and just have a quiet night.’
My heart skips a beat, she called me love, and a quiet night with a couple of bottles means you know what. I told a few of the lads of my intentions, most of them laughed and told me to stay single, but that's because three of them are divorced and the other two are in marriages which are really just going through the motions to say the least.
Harry, my best friend, when I tell him of my plans all he can say is, 'Women? You just can't win.'
Craig chimes in, ‘Listen, don’t fuck it up, just hammer fuck out of anything you can get, before they get all serious, fuckin enjoy it. A ride’s a ride, I’d fuck anything.’
I laugh with the rest, but that’s only the start. Big Joe starts up, ‘Yeah, fuckin right, Craig, I’d bust fuck out of anything moves, and I tell you what,’ he says closing in, and looking pointedly at me, ‘if you have a fuck buddy like that, just keep it that way, and don’t change anything.’
‘Eh?’ I look a bit inquisitive.
‘I mean, you have got it all sussed mate; no birthday duties, no parents, no anniversaries, fuck all, just bang, bang BANG!’ He thumps the table for effect.
I don’t know why I bother with these Neanderthals sometimes, I want to get serious with Helen, it isn’t just a ride. Well, I am going to try, and I think I can prove them wrong, we have been together for four months as a casual item, and I think we can move on to the next level, might even let her meet the folks.
Thank fuck I got out of there, I sold three miserable bottles of that crap all day. I think I'll go straight over to have a drink with my friend; she's always good for a laugh and is as insatiable as me. I can't wait to tell her the news about my new fuck buddy. She's been seeing some guy lately and is about to dump him, getting too serious she says, but he's a good fuck and that's all she wants after that bastard of an ex husband nobody knows about left her penniless.
Good for nothing shithouse he is.
Football coming on sit back and relax here with the lads, Helen is over in the corner on her own, but I won't go over, it's our arrangement we don't do the couple thing in public. Besides she's meeting her mate later, so she won't be alone for long.
Ah. Gin and tonic, mother's ruin, but hard to beat after that day. I am tingling all over, my legs are usually sore after standing all day at the counter, but tonight I have energy from somewhere.
Best thing is in my job I don't have to apply makeup and get ready after work, I have already taken great care with my appearance as usual and my makeup is immaculate as ever.
I sit down with my mate, she tells me about her current bit on the side but it all floats over me, I am busy thinking about Friday night, and how I am going to be ravaged by that young bit in the sports store. I eventually get a word in, and explain the whole story. I tell her about him talking about the anal stuff and what he wants to do to me and exaggerate a bit to make it a bit better.
At last I feel like a real woman, someone wants me, a carnal instinct, a crude but natural urge, a chemical connection.
Half time, Harry fancies a bit of food, so we'll leave. I'll leave the glasses on the bar, and say goodbye to my future life partner.
'Yes, he works in our place, well put together this one, I'll tell you all the gen on Saturday, if he leaves me alone long enough.’
‘Or if you can walk!’
We giggle together, like two schoolgirls sharing a childish secret.
I dump our glasses on the bar, and turn to see Helen talking to someone, who from the back looks like Chewbacca from Star Wars.
'See ya Helen,' I wave.
'Jason, come here, I want you to meet Penny, a friend of mine.’ She turns around and it's only perfume stall woman.
Fuck me.
Helen wants me to meet someone, I turn around and it’s that young lad who will fuck me on Friday. They must have planned this, or maybe he followed me, that's it, yes, he has followed me. I tell you, the lad's on heat, he must be obsessed, obsessed I tell you.
Beam me up Scotty, hyperspace, anything, earth swallow me whole right now, this instant.