Byker Books

 

 

Arthur had not heard all of the conversation. The manner of the gray-haired consultant had told him the bad news before the words had started to flow. He supposed the conversation had started "I am very sorry...." and would have ended on some hopeful, if not desperate, point, such as "pain relief is very good these days..."

 

He remembered shaking the consultants hand and thanking him for his help, as if giving such bad news was as distressing for the doctor as the patient.

 

Walking out of the hospital he decided that a slow death was not for him. He stood at the crossing and waited until a large truck appeared. He waited until it was almost upon him and stepped out in front of it. He closed his eyes as he heard the hiss of brakes and the screech of tires on tarmac, he felt his muscles contract as he waited for the impact. He heard the impact but did not feel it. He opened his eyes and was amazed to see the after-life was almost identical to the life he had just left, apart that was, from a wall that had the rear end of a truck sticking out from it. He then realized that he had not been hit and that the truck had swerved to miss him and had, in fact, hit the elderly gentleman who had been waiting to cross from the other side. The elderly gentleman was lying on the road holding his foot, which, unfortunately, was no longer connected to his lower leg. Hearing the sound of people running towards the scene, he moved away quickly thinking that, as the incident had happened a few yards from a hospital, a phone call to alert the emergency services would not be required.

 

When he had closed the door of his flat behind him, Arthur heaved a sigh of relief. He had walked the mile home expecting every moment to hear the sound of cars screeching to a stop and accusations of "That's him officer! He caused it! He had heard the sound of sirens come close, and had watched as four fire engines had flashed past, heading for the hospital . He reassured himself that if the victims were dead, the fire crew were hardly likely to be putting themselves and the public at risk with such high-speed driving, but made a mental note to write a letter of complaint to the appropriate authorities ‘just in case’

 

Later that evening, Arthur decided that killing himself was no easy matter and would require a little more planning than his first attempt. He did feel that the blame for the failure must lie to some degree with the driver of the truck who had possibly swerved by accident, or perhaps the old man had distracted him. He decided that a more isolated setting would be required and a more reliable method of death employed.

 

Whilst watching his favorite nature programme Arthur decided on the method and on the location for his demise. The programme featured the life and habits of sea birds and the sight of the cliffs gave Arthur inspiration, he would go to the nearest cliffs, and throw himself off the top. He decide to do so at low tide, so if the fall failed to kill him the incoming tide would finish the job off. He was aware that this was a notorious suicide spot and found it reassuring that he was carrying on a local tradition.
After much detailed studying of local tides and tide tables he decided the most appropriate time to jump was the evening of the following Friday, just after low tide, He thought this would give him time to die of his injuries before the sea washed over his body. Drowning would be a safety net, as it were, to ensure success.

 

He had discovered many facts about the sea and its comings and goings and was rather pleased with his depth of research. He had enjoyed using the library and had found the study a pleasant way of spending his time. As he had three days to wait he was undecided as to how to pass the time but eventually decided to try and do some of the things he had always wanted to do and had not as yet been able to.

 

He found that acquiring the services of a prostitute was easier than he thought. He also thought their prices far more reasonable than he had imagined, he returned the second night and hired two at the same time, he found sex to be rather exciting and wished he had tried it earlier in his life.
He had tried alcohol before and had never much liked the effect on his mind, he tried again and found that combined with sex it was also a habit he wished he had taken to earlier in his life.
The final wish he had was to commit a crime. He had watched crime programs on the television and found that in most cases, he rather hoped that the criminal got away with it. As a young child he had been rather confused that the cowboys with the black hats were not the ones you were supposed to cheer for. He wondered if the act of suicide itself could be classed as a criminal act but thought that he would like to enjoy the consequences of his action so decided, after some deliberation, to take a few items from a shop.

 

He went to the local off-license and, without any plan or distracting tactics, picked up a bottle of wine and placed it in his right side pocket. The shop assistant, he presumed she was an assistant as she looked like a school girl and not a young business woman, had not taken breath as she talked down the telephone to an unknown person with good listening skills. She had glanced at Arthur when he entered but not since. He moved to the counter and reached to the side, placing a bottle of whiskey in his left-hand pocket. She had not glanced his way. He moved to the door, holding his breath as she asked the listener to ‘hold on’ and spoke to Arthur "You can take what you like! It's the last time I work for that bastard! Here!" She handed him another bottle of far more expensive whisky and pulled two packets of cigars from the display behind her. " You enjoy yourself" she said "life's too short to work for people like him, with all his lies and promises"
Arthur moved out of the shop and down the street. He did not feel he had committed a crime at all. He pulled the bottle of wine from his pocket and hurled it through the large window of a clothes shop. He was pleased to see that the bottle also knocked the head off a badly dressed mannequin. The alarms sounded. Now THAT was a crime.

 

When Friday morning dawned it was bright and clear. He was the first in the library, returning his books and thumbing through a few others. He left the library with two books, both placed inside his coat whilst no one was looking. He placed them with his half bottle of whisky in his small hold-all and went to the bus station. His plan was to ride around the town he had lived all his life, seeing familiar places for the last time. He took small sips from the whisky bottle and found himself in fine spirits. He woke when someone shook his shoulder "I think you may have missed your stop".
He was about two miles from the coast and decided to walk directly there to ensure a good position prior to jumping. He passed two public houses and entered the third. Three whiskies’ later he found himself back on the road, one mile to go with time to spare. He noticed in the distance a figure in bright orange clothes, sitting near the cliff edge. As he approached he realized that this individual seemed to be about to attempt suicide. Arthur felt a little annoyed that someone had got there before him, he resolved to wait until the fellow had jumped then continue with his own plan. He retired to the nearest pub.

 

He returned to the cliff top one-hour and four double whiskies later. The place was floodlight with the help of police cars and fire engine all with spotlights trained on the very place he planned to use for take off. He turned for home, angry that his plans were spoilt again.

The library had no books on suicide, a search on the computer came up with books on depression and how to prevent suicide, not how to accomplish it. Arthur moved to the medical section and read several books about disease and illness and felt a little reassured that the sexual practices he had undertaken with the prostitutes were highly dangerous. His spirits were a little dampened when he read how long it could take to be fatal.

 

Arthur decided it would be foolish to have built up such knowledge of the sea and not put it to some use. He decided quite definitely that drowning would now be the choice of death but on the final details he could not decide. Would a simple fall from the quayside be enough? He ruled this idea out. Too many interfering people. Could he therefore find some way of getting out to sea and then take the plunge? This was the only way, he thought. To get out to sea was the only problem. He decided to take one of the small tenders, used by the fishermen to reach their boats moored some yards offshore

 

Several days passed until Arthur felt the tide was right. And set off for the beach, he decided to walk so he would be more fatigued when in the water. He had worried for the last few days that some internal survival instinct would make him swim for shore. He had backed up his main plan by bringing a small bottle of painkillers and a large bottle of spirits. When he had walked to the beach he sat on the sand and took a few painkillers and a swig of rum. He had decided rum was an appropriate spirit for such a venture. He untied the smallest boat and pushed it on its launching trolley into the water. He returned to the high-water line where he had been sitting and picked up his small hold-all. The boat had drifted thirty yards from the shore. He walked up the beach and pulled the nearest boat down to the water. Pushing the trolley in to the water and pulled himself over the side of the boat and ended up in face down in six inches of seawater pooled in the bottom.

The small boat quickly found the current and was pulled out to sea. Arthur looked at the shore and knew that this attempt was going to be successful. He looked around for oars and found the boat to be empty apart from himself and his belongings. He began to drink the rum. The waves got higher and Arthur became a little worried which puzzled him. Without warning a wave upturned the boat. Arthur heard himself cry out as his head broke free from the waves. He started to swim then cramp in his arm made it impossible.

 

 

His last thought was of the surprise at finding that he did not want to die alone after all.

 

 

(c) Paul Crowe 2008