You know how it is. You’re at the gym knocking seven bells out of the bag when through the sweat and the blood and snot you recognise a face underneath a mountain of weights.
So, like any normal person you wander over laughing at the bloke struggling to stop himself being decapitated by the bench press bar and then you think ‘hang on a minute, that’s top author Charlie Williams - renowned creator of the Mangel trilogy and mighty doorman Royston Blake’, so your outlook changes.
There’s only one thing to do, the bloke could die at any minute. You whip off the gloves and get your dictaphone out of the locker. Best interview this fucker fast before he carks it.
· Alright Charlie how’s tricks?
Not bad. In a good mood because I just finished a new novel (this is not a plug because it won’t see daylight for another year or so). I’ve got a ritual upon finishing a novel - a cigar and a bottle of Moet with the wife. Not that original but you have to mark the occasion. Actually I’m not that bothered about champagne. I’ll probably get bladdered on lager tonight. How are you?
· Fine thanks – well, apart from the hangover, the broken nose and the piles. You’ve written loads of books (Royston Blake is fucking ace by the way), various shorts, screenplays and even comics – what’s next?
Well, you now know about the novel. Other than that I wrote the screenplay for a short film called ARK, directed by Mal Woolford. This will be showing at some festivals (such as Palm Springs) and there is going to be some sort of showing at the Curzon in Soho. It stars Simone Lahbib (Wire in the Blood, Bad Girls) and her husband Raffaella Degruttola and is great. I’m probably going to concentrate on a couple of screenplays for a bit before writing another novel.
· We first noticed you in the now, sadly defunct, ‘Bullet Magazine’ – how did that come about?
Well, a couple of friends of mine are Bullet regulars Ray Banks (Author of 'Donkey Punch' if I'm not mistaken - Ed) and Allan Guthrie. I think one of them put Bullet editor Keith Jeffrey on to me and he asked me for a story. I had just written one that seemed perfect for a mag like Bullet (entitled KING SHIT) so everyone was happy. Shame Bullet became defunct not long after that.
· And would you be averse to contributing stuff for free to other, similarly, ‘Radge’ publications in the future? I’m not asking this for any particular reason – oh no not me, no plans at all to bring out a quarterly anthology of tales from the Inner Cities and the dark places where coppers fear to tread.
Publications like that are a national health requirement if you ask me. Back in the day, everyone got their kicks from short story mags bought at news-stands. That’s where they got their sex and violence and depravity fix. Now you can’t move for that kind of stuff on TV, so we’re not using our brains so much. Nowt wrong with TV but reading gets the brain moving in a different way, and if you don’t do it you’re brain turns to mush. But look what’s happened to literature - it’s been gentrified. The books pages of newspapers are dominated by the kind of literary shit that simultaneously makes me puke and sends me to sleep, which is not a healthy combination. No wonder people don’t read so much. We need to give fiction back to the masses, and we’ll start with your quarterly anthology! (Hmm he didn’t say no and he didn’t say yes – Ed)
· What are you reading at the minute then (apart from Radgepacket obviously)?
DEATH HAS MANY DOORS by Fredric Brown. I love that guy. I like the pulp era, when you had so-called “hack” writers who churned out books but were given more of a free reign. There was a lot of dabbling between crime and science fiction. Brown is a great example of that. I love books where seemingly ridiculous things happen, and you get that with Brown.
· You’re a bit studenty on the quiet yet still seem to have a handle on the everyday horrible shite that us ordinary types have to face. We’re a bit confused (not a rare occurrence admittedly…) as to how you’ve managed it – how did you?
I’m not sure what “a bit studenty” means. I did go to university and get a degree, but only after being born into a council estate. Does that explain it? I knew a lot of people when I was younger who aspired to be burglars, conmen and hitmen. Most failed and are now just smack beggars, prisoners or dead. Others sorted themselves out. I probably use a lot of that in my writing. But yes, I studied English and I probably use a bit of that as well. Everything helps. You’ve got to draw from all of human experience.
· Oh and you like boxing as well – who’s your favourite pugilist? We had a vote in the office and then a fight and then a drinking comeptition which resulted in …Nigel Benn.
Benn was one of the most exciting fighters. You knew he was always going to give it all. And he had that rage that the best fighters have. I’ve always been an admirer of Bernard Hopkins. Not the most explosive fighter but he has such a boxing brain. Check out his patient dismantling of the previously undefeated, seemingly unbeatable Felix Trinidad. Hopkins is a wily old fox and he learned his sport in the penitentiary. To remain world champion of the middleweight division for so long (after losing your first pro fight!) is remarkable. I also love eighties Tyson, of course, because he just knocked the shit out of everyone.
· Back to writing - what do you prefer novel writing, short stuff or screenplays?
All of it. I love writing. Not like I sit there writing, thinking “Ah, I fucking love doing this!” But it’s something I need to do and it gives me the greatest satisfaction to create a story on paper. I look at stories like engines, but made out of organic matter rather than metal and plastic. Everything has to link up and it roars when it does, but there’s also life and texture there.
· Are you really related to Laurie Lee?
Ha! You use everything to push a novel. But yes, I was related to him in a convoluted way (he’s dead now). He was married to one of my grandad’s cousins or something. That side of my family are all from Gloucestershire, Cider With Rosie country.
· Did you find that to be a help or a hindrance when you were starting out as an author?
Neither. I never told anyone because it’s such a minor thing, not like he was my dad or anything. When you get your first novel accepted for publication, they want to find out anything about you that they can use. I guess I remembered it then.
· Any advice you could give the millions of writers and authors out there who never get a sniff of publication?
Write your own stuff. Don’t look at the bookshops and try to work out what gets published - most of that stuff is shit and deserves to be burned. We need original voices, writers who can get something from inside and turn it into a jewel. Don’t neglect your craft. You need to get an innate sense of how stories work. Stick at it. People who give up never get published.
· Ever fancied getting Jodie Marsh to pretend to have shagged you in order to get yourself some precious tabloid inches?
No. Sorry Jodie, but I’m married.
· Don’t blame you – she’s a rotter. Any inclinations towards playing the tabloid game whatsoever?
See previous answer. And tabloids aren’t interested in writers anyway, are they? Not unless they have won a Booker prize and have been photographed taking part in a Nazi-themed orgy, which I don’t think I have.
· What sort of tunes, if any, do you prefer to write to.
Can’t write to music, but I get a lot of ideas from listening to music. Most writing is done away from the keyboard anyway, so maybe I do write to music. It would be whatever I’m into at that moment. Lately Midlake, Hot Chip, Led Zeppelin, Maximo Park. Johnny Cash, David Bowie, Jimi Hendrix and Nick Cave are old favourites.
· Do you follow the old adage of ‘write what you know’ and if so when can we expect you to be nicked?
I don’t like that adage. It’s true insofar as you can’t write what you don’t know anyway, because it would be a blank page, but I don’t agree with “you’re a copper - write about crime”. You should write whatever you want to write. And besides, I’ve gone straight.
· So, Ford Capri’s, got one?
Hah! No, I need something with a chance of actually getting me there so I drive a boring old Mondeo. I’d love to have a clapped out old 2.8i up on bricks in the drive, though.
· We’re all writers here at BB towers (I didn’t say we were good mind!) and we’ve all been inspired by various people. Who would you say your inspirations were?
Jim Thompson, Thomas Hardy, Magnus Mills, Steven King, Kingsley Amis. Many other writers but those got me going. I’m also quite inspired by people from other fields like music, art, even sports.
· Who would play you in the film of your life?
Someone who can do sitting at a keyboard really well. John Turturro.
· And what sort of soundtrack would you like playing?
Tinny eighties music.
· Any plans to flog any of your books to film production companies in the near future ?
Maybe. I have no problem with the right books being used to make the right films. Tricky thing to pull off but I’m interested in that challenge.
· And finally, but most importantly, is there any chance you might need a fifteen stone shaven headed Geordie for a part in that – I’m thinking the man Blake himself???
Quite possibly. You need to put on a few pounds though.
All of us here at Byker Books would like to take this opportunity to thank Charlie for giving us his time so freely during this interview and for not getting stroppy once. We don’t need to wish him lots of success with his writing career because he’s going to get it anyway. We do however suggest you check out his books because they’re pissing brilliant man.
Obviously we were only kidding about the weights on his neck. As he’s an ex-student it was actually our feet that were on his windpipe and we took them off as soon as he turned blue and stopped breathing. If his publisher or agent are a little miffed by the fact we might have killed their golden goose then all we can say is this:-
Danny King told us to do it…
Hey - bear in mind that Vitali and Wladimir Klitschko are both “ex-students”.
(He’s got a point, some of them are hard so shut the fuck up! – Ed)